Amazing Testimony at Chris Tomlin Worship

I am finally able to share my testimony of God's glory in our life. My husband and I are able to see God glorified through a very difficult time in our life. On February 8, 2007 I was scheduled to work from 7 am to 2pm. Then at 4pm I was scheduled for a regular 5month ultra sound. I've had many ultrasounds already because I am a high risk pregnancy with type 1 daibetes and kidney damage. This was a my third child, second pregnancy. We didn't expect to ever be prgnant again. So when we unexpectedly found out the news we were so happy, yet scared. We discovered earier that we were indeed having a boy. His name is Solomon Timothy. We actually have a foster child whom we will adopt today at 8:30 am. Hooray! Then following the ultrasound my husband and I, and a few friends were excited to worship together at the Chris Tomlin Worship concert. Everything had been going well as of this point. Slightly elevated blood pressure. I was exactly 20 weeks/5months pregnant that day. Moments before my appointment I decided that I didn't want my two boys at the appointment because I didn't think that they would last very long. So I asked my mother to take them home. This would prove to be another way God had protected our family. I headed up to my appointment alone this time. I discovered at about 4:30 pm that my son was no longer alive. He wasn't moving and their wasa no heart beat. I can't even try to explain my devastation. If that wasn't the worst I would have to deliver my lifeless child. It seemed unimaginable. I was filled with anger and mostly confusion. I believed so strongly that Solomon was a gift and I felt so confident in God's protection, and His word. I had so much to be fearful of during this pregnancy and I wasn't. At the time I felt betrayed and let down. I had prayed over Exodus 21:23-25 where I felt He was telling me He would not miscarry Solomon. My pain was unbelievably raw and physically hurt. My husband and bestfriend rushed to the hospital. The doctors encouraged me to be induced that evening. My husband and friends assumed I wouldn't go to the worship concert. Yet, through all the pain and anger I knew I needed to be there. Everyone, mom, sister, husband, friends, doctors encouraged me to stay home or go to hospital. I was insistant and at one momnet angry at everyone for wanting me to not go. My friend said told me that the Holy Spirit must have something to tell me. Through all the pain I knew I should worship God not only when things were great but when they were awful. I knew He was the only thing that could get me through my devastating loss. I would rather ball my eyes out while worshipping Him with 1000's of people and including my family than be at home balling my eyes out, not worshipping and becoming more angry. After the appt. we proceeded to the worship concert filled with sadness and many tears. We worshipped together and then we heard Louie's message about how great our God is, how he created each human being so perfectly, how each of us is not an accident. The picture of the new fetus brought us to sobbing tears. But then there was the five month old fetus. Our mouths dropped. I was five months exactly that day. All of this was exactly what the Holy Spirit had planned for my husband and I and our friends/family. I felt so special and loved. I knew God had planned this message especially for me. Louie didn't know that but He did. I knew then that God had not caused Solomon's death but did allow it to happen. I may not understand until I go home. But I know He will be glorified through all this pain. I grieved still and at times felt selfish. But I can't imagine what that grieving would feel like with Jesus in my life. Our goal for our children the day we discover we have conceived or in the case of my second son, the day we got the call, you hope they come to know Jesus, glorify Him and eventually go home to live with Him. Solomon has done all of those things with out suffering sadness on earth. Amazingly I had a regular scheduled baby check two weeks before. At the time I was bothered that she had not checked for a heart beat or measured me which is a common practice at each baby check. In fact the ultra sound Dr. and delivering dr were surprised too. All though they reassured me it would not have changed anything. Solomon had pobably passed at that point according to the doctors. I believ that was on purpose. If I had found out sooner i would not have experienceing that worship at that particular time. God knew we needed it then. He didn't want us to wait for two weeks to listen to that message. He is so perfect and good. I am glad I can see how great our God is. So my message is that God is good all the time. The pain was still there but it has lessoned. I think about my son all the time and I can't wait to see him again. I was able to hold my son and take pictures. The one thing I dreaded and thought was unimaginable, I am now so greatful to have had the opportunity to hold Solomon. Look at how many woman loose their children earlier than I and have no baby to look at or hold but none the less are suffering. I love the thought that he and I will know exactly who eachother are in heaven. After Solomn's memorial many people believers and non believers told thanked me for ahelping them to value such a young life. Once again God is glorified by the loss of Solomon! God can make good of all situations. Praise God!